The Melbourne International Airshow

“I feel the need… the need for speed” – Top Gun

When I arrived at the Avalon Airshow with ‘My Mumsy’, ‘The Giant’ and ‘The Jewish Lawyer’, we were energized and undoubtedly awe struck at seeing the F-22 fighter jet roaring above.

‘The Jew’ looks at me and says with shock value “Do you have a towel and a change of underwear Claude? I’ve made a mess downstairs watching that thing”. ‘The Jewish Lawyer’ is always bold and uncensored, but we were all feeling a little like that. We hadn’t even made it to the actual show yet; we were merely walking through the gargantuan car park. ‘The Jewish Lawyer’ (as he is fine to be aptly named, just so any of you politically correct folk were wondering) and the rest of us simply felt the need…the need for speed.

The thing is, you don’t really need to see much else, once you’ve seen the F-22 in action. It’s an experience in itself. After watching the Pilot fruitcake aka. Mr. Awesome (at left); fly it, you’re feeling romantic and invigorated enough to quote top gun, no matter how many have done it before you.

“Our weather ain’t perfect, but damn, is it hot today!” (Commentated a very rotund, albeit enthusiastic and pleasant American), being Melbourne’s second day of autumn one would expect slightly cooler, however mid twenties conditions. Not today. A dry, crunchy (the ground) and a stifling 34 °C which converts for my American friends to approximately 93.2 °F. Basically, when you are walking through an airfield with nothing but, tarmac, dust and sheep around you, your enthusiasm begins to wane. One because nothing can compare to the F-22 and secondly because although 34 °C is just dandy if you’re sitting inside air conditioning, it’s most definitely not when roasting your bare arms in the Australian UV rays.

The families. They cometh in droves, all of different demographics and socio-economic statuses. Personally, I don’t really see the appeal in taking a 2 year old along to an air show, trying to force ear plugs repeatedly in said toddlers ears and every time said child takes them out patiently, yet exhaustedly repeat (overheard by another American mother who by 3pm looked harebrained and wearied) “Chester, you have to wear them. Coooomme onnnn do it for Mommy!” 

But, don’t take my opinion on this one; everyone knows where Bryn and I sit when it comes to families. I will recommend this though, for those singles or couples wishing to enjoy a more child-ambush free Avalon Air show, try and arrange yourself a trade show ticket. This will cut out the ‘family’ factor in replacement of aviation professionals. However for the families wishing to brave the flies, heat, loud noises and inevitable temper tantrums, with patience (I applaud you, I really do) simply logic follows that ‘families like other families’ so really, you’ll be just fine.

So, instead of trying to sound very technical and give you my own wrap up of what clearly was the highlight of the show for me, here is an exert from the Avalon Air Show website (link credited below) on what the F-22 is actually capable of (it's baby brother the F-16 Featured below):

“The Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor – the world's premier 5TH generation fighter.

The F-22 is the only fighter capable of simultaneously conducting air-to-air and air-to-ground combat missions with near impunity. This is accomplished with a never-before-seen standard of survivability even while facing large numbers of sophisticated airborne and ground-based threats.

In addition to being America's most prominent air-superiority fighter, the F-22 evolved from its original concept to become a lethal, survivable and flexible multimission fighter. By taking advantage of emerging technologies the F-22 has emerged as a superior platform for many diverse missions including intelligence gathering, surveillance, reconnaissance and electronic attack.

The Raptor is operational today and combat ready for worldwide deployment”.

Needless to say, this Aircraft is incredible. The show? It is worth it to see the F-22 (see picture below for the Pilot's pressure suit) and the vintage aircraft “Connie” that was built between 1943-1958 (she is surprisingly quiet for her age). Also, if you’re a plane fanatic you will be animated by being able to walk under a B 52 Bomber, which has been employed and run by the United States Air Force since 1950.

The Australian Air force and Australian Army ground displays and demonstrations did leave a lot to be desired and ultimately acted as ‘space fillers’. However, they lacked severely in being able to achieve this. The food available was sufficient, however the wait times (I’ll blame this one on the families) is appalling and once you have finally got your juicy ‘Grill’d Burger’ there is literally no where to sit and eat it, unless you are prepared to violently remove some pensioners and families from the limited seating available, and trust me when it’s this hot and there is limited seating they will fight back – with a vengeance.

All plane fanatics will enjoy the show, and although ‘The Giant’ who unlike ‘My Mumsy’ and ‘The Jewish Lawyer’ was not an aircraft enthusiast, he couldn’t help feeling thrilled by… of course the F-22. The Australian Air Force Roulette’s display played a sweet and lovely touch to the wrap up of our day. At this point though, I was too tired (having walked kilometers in the heat and spending the entire day staring at glaring fuselage) to give my full attention. All I wanted was a shower and a nice cup of tea and to luxuriate in air-conditioned comfort.

A fact filler is though; whimsically the Australian Biblical Society fly and display their own Cessna aircraft which ‘The Jewish Lawyer’ pointedly exclaimed “At least you know if you’re going down in it, you’re actually going up”. 

Claudia Sorace - Creative Director & Profesional writer (Reviewer)

Photography provided by Andre Elhay 

http://www.elhay.com/