The Giant Nerd

An introduction to science: 

With the Geek Giant Richard Manning 

Once upon a time there was a poor little Giant, who everyone called a geek. He wasn’t really a geek, as least he didn’t think so, but society had him placed in the round peg hole marked ‘nerd’. The young Giant was also reader, but what was worse, was he remembered everything he read.

At the most inopportune of moments useless trivia would spurt forth into the unprepared and unenthusiastic ears of whoever happened to be close. Most of the time these people were like Braudia’s Bryn and Claudia; who essentially would be too busy consumed in their own affairs, to be concerned with the geeks facts. So The Giant learnt to speak to them in ways that they could understand, and alas, like Frankenstein’s monster, they grew into smart little Braudia’s, able to take on the world.

With this passion for knowledge undiminished, I, The Giant Geek - has found a new willing audience to enthrall. The now ‘brainy Braudia’s’ decided that they should share this information and here is where my purpose lies. I’ll try to explain how modern science makes the previously impossible, possible in a way that translates the esoteric language of hyperspecialised scientists; into something we can all understand.

Any Paris Hilton can understand Science. Ok, slightly debatable – but I’m sure, she must have some amount of grey matter, even if it has been damaged by years of fake tanning and sheep dipping herself in peroxide. It’s just that scientists have a desire, for using their own impenetrable vocabulary. It’s as if they feel, that because they’ve devoted years of their lives buried in books and huddled in libraries, to reaching that cutting edge of human knowledge, that no one else (who has not sacrificed as they have) should be able to understand what it is they do.

I shall attempt to bring to you the latest developments in a manner that strips bare the basic facts from the jargon, laying bare the essential truths behind new discoveries.

For now lets start with some cerebral stretches to get our brains accustomed to new thoughts and ways of thinking.  So limber up your hippocampus (your brains memory center), activate your left hemisphere and whip your cerebral cortex into shape with these tasty facts.

Hippopotamuses don’t sweat; instead they excrete a pink liquid which acts as a natural sunblock.

The first modern bra was made of two handkerchiefs.

There is only one Chobe black rhinoceros left in the world, 3 other subspecies of black rhinoceros have already become extinct in the last 150 years and poachers are doing their best to kill off the rest…

The human stomach produces a new mucus lining for itself every two weeks, if it didn’t it would digest its self. Strange!

Scientists voiced concern in 2012 about how radiation may be affecting humans after a recent finding of mutant butterflies in Japan with abnormal legs, eyes, wings and other mutations were discovered. The mutations were caused by radiation from the Fukushima nuclear accident.

And finally, director Claudia Sorace is terrified of butterflies. This ridiculousness has a name believe it or not and that is “Lepidopterophobes”. In fact I’m sure she will recoil into herself once she reads that now, there are mutated versions of them out there, flying around. 

Until next time friends, nerd up!