A Modern Man's Struggle...

Is Chivalry Dead….or just on life support?

The modern man's struggle - Words offered by Bryn Thomas 

The most popular reference we seem to hear about chivalry today, is that it is dead.

Over the weekend I was out having coffee with a close friend of mine, in a rather trendy French café; when I was subject to my first encounter with ‘the ultra feminist’. We’ve all heard of her before, the tale of the woman who yells at the gentleman for opening the door for her at the department store (where the doorman was that day, I’ll never know!) or the women who denies the seat offered to her on the metro, and rudely and loudly exclaims, “I’m quite capable of standing!”

Well I’m here to tell you gents she truly exists! She’s in her late twenties (although she could pull off a middle-aged women with the attire she was wearing) has reasonably short hair, those ‘indie’ glasses that scream ‘I’m an individual and I want everyone to know it’, and she wears a grey skivvy and an over sized necklace. Think primary schoolteacher crossed with a fire-breathing dragon.

In hindsight, I probably should have seen her coming, or at the very least recognized the hush in the room when she entered the cafe. But I was too busy in my Parisienne world trying to decide which pastry would go best with my café latté (I chose an almond croissant if you were wondering). Coming up to me, I politely moved aside for her and offered for her to be served first. A part from being polite and rather chivalrous I thought, I was still procrastinating over the almond croissant or the Bichon au Citron, and needed the extra few seconds to elect my treat. You see working in the fashion industry requires a sense of self-control and its not everyday I am free of my business partner Claudia, whereby I can splurge on the calories! Hence, the long decision.

Anyway, my lovely lady friend nastily responded to my offer with, “You know, women can wait in lines too!” I was caught completely off guard. Whereby, I removed my gaze (somewhat begrudgingly) from the tasty pastry cabinet to see her looking at me. Was she challenging me? I didn’t know what to do, or where to look. Was I about to have a duel with the she-dragon? The café attendant and the barista had both stopped what they were doing, and where looking at me too. The ball was in my court. “I’m sorry, I mistook you for a lady.” I said. Then turned to the attendant, “I’ll have the almond croissant please.” And retreated to my table. The dragon took her pistachio macaroons in her talons and stormed towards the door. (Luckily it was an automatic door, so no risk of another confrontation there.) The whole incident happened in a blink of an eye and within moments I was sipping my coffee.

Before anyone starts accusing me of being sexist, I, like most men, believe in women’s rights. I absolutely, positively support the notion that men and women should be equal in the face of the law, and I am proud to be from the country that was the first in the world to give women the right to vote and be elected in politics. But somehow my feminist dragon friend has decided that chivalry and equality cannot co-exist in society and this is where I disagree. I presume, (but could be wrong) that she feels that an act of courtesy or kindness towards her from a male is construed as a condescending attitude towards her. A technique used by men to make women feel inadequate and incapable.  Well I’m sorry! I really must protest! I think this cannot be farther from the truth...

In my mind, when I open the door for someone or give up my seat on the metro, it shows respect and mutual admiration for that person, even though I don’t know them. It shows that you are a dependable and admirable person and value the individual opposite to you, like society should.  To me it shows a standard of respectable behaviour in society, whether you open the door for a man or women shouldn't be entirely relevant.

Chivalry is not dead, despite the allegations of being sexist. It has simply changed, and I believe persons, who exhibit friendly, helpful deeds to one-another are exhibiting an act of chivalry. In retrospect, I wish I had chosen the Bichon au Citron afterall; which would have, ultimately have kept another bichon quiet.